Story of my life
TWO MORE PAPERS AND I WILL BE FREE.After my mother tongue and science MCQ paper, I can finally bid good riddance to my notes and messy table. What can I say? I am completely exhilarated for my six months break! A half-of-a-year long break after two years of intense studying for my N's and O's. God excited would be an understatement. Just two more weeks and I'll get to experience the most liberating feeling ever.
I am actually quite excited to work after O's. I am planning to work at Times @ Terminal 3. Or maybe Zara or some other retail shop. I even calculated my salary(?!) HAHA! There are so many things I would like to buy with the money.
1) I am going to treat my family to a lunch or dinner. It's like a family tradition, really. My brother and sister have done it and next will be me. It's quite exciting. Hehe.
3) SKIN CARE PRODUCTS. My face complexion had deteriorated during the O's period due to stress, lack of sleep, irregular sleeping times, excessive consumption of junk food (because of horrible binge eating and snacking to combat stress). So one of the things that I am planning to buy is a Clarisonic. Well, it's on the pricey side but I've read many reviews and watched so many videos on YouTube by beauty gurus like Tanya Burr, missglamorazzi and many more saying that it had really improved their complexion and how it was a really great investment so I think I would like to own one as well! And besides, I am so lazy to scrub my face using my fingers ha ha ha.
4) A MICHAEL KORS WATCH. I have been eyeing on these babies since forever. I for one am in a desperate need of the rose-gold watch. I know I have posted about this one before and I will be posting it again because it is too pretty and I really just need one.
5) Books, books and more books!! This part is self-explanatory haha.
Maybe a new laptop and camera I don't know.
In this month of October, I have made new friends, realised how lucky am I to have the most wonderful friends and in short, it was meaningful. My birthday was on the 17th of October. And sadly, that was the day of my O Level science practical. Later that day, Akeela, Nakiah and Syak invited me to study with them at the airport. After studying, we went exploring all around the airport from Terminal 3 to Terminal 1 and back. It was fun and tiring at the same time. After an hour, we finally settled down at Coffee Bean. I suddenly saw Times (and me being me, I ran to it without any hesitations) and only coming back to a red velvet cake with a double choc frappe for me :') I felt completely overwhelmed with happiness and I felt truly blessed.
The next day, Syazana invited me to go studying with her. We studied at White Sand's KFC for a good two hours before getting kicked out and after which we then settled at Downtown East's McCafe. Sarah then came and I followed her for lunch at Yumen Hut (which has the most scrumptious tom yam ban mian and decadent deep fried chickens) Upon returning, I got tricked and Sarah closed my eyes, only to opening and seeing my girls with balloons and a cake and their sweet voices singing me the Happy Birthday song. I was completely overwhelmed. Words truly cannot express how fortunate I am to have them as my good friends and to be in such a lovely clique. I don't know how to exactly express my gratitude. It's this kind of things that make me feel so happy with life and sigh I don't know. I'm just....blessed :') I love all of you so much.
BY THE WAY, have you guys heard One Direction's new song? IT IS FREAKING AMAZING. It sounds like pop-folk-indie, it's like Ed Sheeran + Mumford and Sons IDK WELL IT'S JUST FREAKING AMAZING AND I THINK THAT EVERYONE SHOULD LISTEN TO IT AND FALL IN LOVE WITH IT JUST LIKE I DID!
At exactly one year ago, I was in the States with my friends. I really can't wait to be back. I miss you USA. I'll be coming back for you, I promise. (and Mikhail is going today sobs so jealous)
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My life is just a massive ball of asfsgwgkjenrogiwjogijweo right now. I don't know how to feel about literally everything. Maybe I'm just getting all these messed up feelings because I'm too stressed from Os. The fact that I didn't prioritize my studies even when this is a pivotal year for me. Words really cannot describe how disappointed I am with myself. After all I only have myself to blame don’t I? But with that being said, I actually did put in some effort. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for slacking during mid terms but I sure as hell did study after that. All I want for Os is just a decent less-than-20 points. I got 20 points for my prelims. While that would be good to some, it's actually horrible to me. Nothing is worse than getting a result when you know you could have gotten a hell lot better than that. It's like you know you are capable of doing better but you're settling for less. It just sucks, you know? And here comes the feelings of regret. Seriously, why do I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again? It's burdensome and tiring but procrastination will just never ceases to get the best of me every single time.
So far, Os has been rather manageable. I think the only papers I really screwed up were English and my humanities. My two subjects that I am somewhat strong in. But then again, being in Singapore, with an education system where "bell curve" exists, I guess none of us can actually feel certain whether we did well or not, because you can never really be happy after every paper because if you think that a certain paper was easy and you think that you can actually ace it, chances are you won't because the grade system is based on everyone's performance so if you think that it was easy, many people would find it easy too and there goes your chance of scoring well. Just like how for math last year, to get an A1 was a flipping 95%? Goodness flipping gracious. Okay or maybe it is just me. Everyone is smart and I am not. Boo freaking hoo.
Maybe it's just not Os that is causing me to get so stressed up. Maybe it's this feeling that I am drifting away from someone so dear to me. Sometimes don't you just get sad when someone who means the world to you just takes you as if you're just another person in their life? It just sucks doesn't it. And you'll feel so helpless and vulnerable it's like as though you're drowning and you're clutching on to a straw to help you get out of the whole misery.
I have always wondered why good things always leave and the bad things happened. I wondered why fluffy clouds transformed into storms right after a sunny day and why bitter cold weather followed after the Summer wave. But then I also realized that flowers bloom after a long and frosty Winter and the sun rays feel hotter after rain. And that’s when I realized why bad things had to happen and why good things didn't always stay.
I guess there's no reason to seek empathy for happiness. Happiness an intrinsic reward. I know that there's something dire within me that will find its way out sooner or later and I feel like that even when things are alright; like I am my own worst enemy and as if I could jinx things just by being happy. I am afraid to be happy at times when I should be happy in case everything will go to ruins soon if I am. Isn't that the best it gets though? Enjoying happiness while it lasts? I'm always in a twilight zone with my emotions...like overwhelming feeling is as cautious as grey but there's little sprinkles of emotions few and far in between.
I am completely sorry for the recent depressing posts. Haha I know it seems rather weird with the happy and sad posts in rotation but sometimes writing whatever that is agitating in my mind is the only way to make me feel better about everything.
I hope that you are having a lovely day. Stay happy.