It's finally the weekends! So the long, glorious holiday is dead and gone and I am now back in school. Back to school would also usually mean back to stress, sleep-deprivation and a natural tendency to hate everything in life. But this time, I decided to start the fresh new year with a different mentality, a positive mindset. 

School has been good to me so far. For this semester, I will be taking business fundamentals, math, physics, effective communication, introduction to process and systems and writing and oral communication. Business, additional math, it's all just too knew for me. But thankfully, many of my classmates weren't POA and additional math students too and so my tutor and lecturer had no choice but to slow down and really just start from the basics just for us. Halllla! 

Orientation was a pocket full of fun. It was surprisingly easy to make friends. Most of us came from different secondary schools, which makes the whole process of making friends a hell lot easier because since we came from different schools, there is no 'cliques' and whatnot and so everyone has an equal opportunity to make friends! My classmates are truly a jovial bunch, it's amazing because it was only two days into orientation but we were all already planning on chalets for the next holiday. The next three years is going to be a blast. I can feel it in my bones. 

To compare, life in polytechnic is really different from secondary school. For instance, we don't really have 'homeworks' anymore. It's all projects and assignments, and all of the assignments that I've gotten so far dues on the fourth week of school. I guess I'm still not used to the idea of long-term projects but I soon will, I hope. It's just too weird to not have homeworks anymore. And next, on the topic on outfits. All I can say is that it is absolutely burdensome.

The fact that I am now a poly student still hasn't completely sunk in. It feels truly surreal. I know I've complained many times that I hate school with a burning passion but deep down, I'm genuinely thankful to be blessed with the opportunity of higher education. 

Being the only polytechnic in the east, I am bound to see many familiar faces. And there is one. One which stands out. One which fills me in with fear that I will bump into him in the hallways of the school. One which will make my heart skip a beat if I ever do. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, though. 

I used to think that I was in love with this person. And for a moment, I used to think that it was being reciprocated. There are just far too many times where I've told myself to let my guards down and get over it. And when I finally do, somehow, it will all come back all of a sudden, and then all of the feelings that I thought I've washed away suddenly starts coming back in fragments and eventually engulfing me whole. 

I guess I'm still too young to understand what love is but throughout my eighteen years of existence, I'm crystal clear that love is when your mom cooks for you even when it's late at night, when your dad sends you to school even if he's going to be late for work.

So, the question still stands - what is love? 

Even though I've dated a few people before (though all has never lasted more than two months LOL) I'm definitely not a pro in all these love things but through reading and watching movies, I know love is appreciating someone. Feeling the sadness when they do, feeling a subtle warmth radiate from the depths of your chest each time you think of that person. The feeling of joy spreading through your body each time at the slightest thought of them. The annoying feeling of jealousy when you see them talking to another person and a tinge of sadness when they didn't reply your text. Finding comfort in silence. But all of these are just scratching the surface. 

At the end of the day, we all have different ideas, opinions and definitions about love. So what does it really mean? L-o-v-e. It is just a four-letter word until someone gives you its meaning. 

Maybe one day I will get to experience this whole love thing. If God's willing.

I have no idea why I wrote this but I'm actually so happy I did. Its like, a huge weight has finally been lifted off my back.