Hitting rock bottom
You know the phrase which goes something like "no one knows you better than you know yourself?" I can't stress on how true that is. You are your own secret keeper, your own friend and maybe sometimes even your own enemy. Deep down, I feel that I'm a genuinely terrible person. Sometimes I feel like a terrible hypocrite. I do things that I wish I didn't, but somehow I don't know how, my diabolical side just decides to take control of my mind and do things I wish I hadn't. Telling a lie, and maybe talking behind someone's back. Sometimes I feel out of control. Feeling pathetic over how easily I let these demons take charge of my mind and actions.
Yes I do feel remorseful. I feel terrible. I wish I could take back whatever I've done. But once the damage's done, people will get hurt and that is something honestly quite heart-wrenching. Something that will hold an everlasting weight on my conscience, something that will constantly make me feel awful everytime I think about it.
Ever since school started, I can gradually feel myself becoming someone more terrible. I've been like a complete asshole. I roll my eyes ten times more than I usually do, I swear under my breaths a million times more than I usually do. I've been feeling terribly awful about myself lately. I hate whoever I've become. This asshole part of me.
I hate feeling so angry because it would usually end up with me sobbing and shedding a truckload of tears because it's just so overwhelming and I hate it so much.
And instead of reevaluating on what I've done, here I am writing. Writing my heart out.